Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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