ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
