I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
