New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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