I can text with my tongue
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
