I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
