Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
