my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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