I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
