you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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