My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
