So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
