Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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