I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
