u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
