evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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