For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
