Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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