did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
