She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
