all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
