so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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