between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
