Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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