I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
