he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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