and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize