You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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