Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
