I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
