i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just cropdusted the office
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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