why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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