you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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