just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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