im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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