im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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