Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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