Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
