Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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