my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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