I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
the liver wants what the liver wants
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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