So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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