Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
