So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
