Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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