no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
