Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Randomize
