but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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