Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
