once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Floor bacon is actually really good
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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