Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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