i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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