My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
