I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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