I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
