Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
