Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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