well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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