Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
