mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
