I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
