Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
