just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
