So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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