i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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