i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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