Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
