I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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