Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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