I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
