Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
