so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Please, let me fuck your mom
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
