I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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