final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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